I feel like is being sucked inside my body. My neck has large greenish bluish spots now looks like blood inside. So…I  figured I would write instead of crying myself to sleep. No, I’m not weak, yes at the moment, but I’m also angry and let down. My PCP is awesome, my ONLY neurologist now is in another state until I find a local one also, I’ve gone to urgent care and the ER and they do NOTHING. I need an IV of steroids for about 5 days probably and that’s given for relapses IT’S NEVER EVEN BEEN OFFERED TO ME!!!! Every attack, illness, pain etc…they have made me suffer through and it sucks bad! I’m a mother of 2 a (basically) wife, a student, a best friend and I can’t do anything right now because I’m STUCK! I can’t work, I can’t run, walk far, drive sometimes, I’m dizzy. I just want my life back. The saddest part is that I NEED to adjust to my new life and so far I’m doing pretty friggen good. That’s one thing I AM PROUD OF.  It’s my kid’s my hubby, family and friends I worry about because I can’t do the same things I used to anymore. I hate to have to say sorry I can’t tonight, Mommy can’t go the beach today I’m to sick and to hot etc… It hurts to know I’ve let my loved one’s down without having a choice.

So this is what I have decided to do to try to adjust. I do what I love which is write and help people, I find a way to be able to play with my kid’s in a way that’s ok and comfortable for everyone and I try to stay away from stress which is almost impossible but, I try. I try to live by the motto that “everything happens for a GOOD reason”, and embrace your qualities all of them through health and illness.. I want to be a freelance writer or do well with the book series I’m starting definitely something with writing. I finally see now how strong I am and I can show my kid’s that no matter what cards your dealt in life there’s a way you can always win without cheating. BE YOURSELF AND SHOW EVERYONE! To quote my favorite artist of all time, “life’s rough so you gotta get tough”—-Johnny Cash.  I also learned to lived like “live every day like it’s your last, but still plan for the future, and they call the past the past for a reason, it’s over and behind you”.

People tell me how much I’ve changed since my diagnosis and I have…for the better! I volunteer, I’m a “MS Activist” with the Multiple Sclerosis Society”, and I just got an offer to have my poem publish in the “Momentum” MS Magazine. That is honestly a dream come true and since I was a kid I have wanted to write a book and now I just started my book series.

Life likes to knock you down and does everyone you because, they feel they need to prove that they’re better than you. If that’s the most important thing in your life, trying to be better than everyone you know than have fun cause I have nothing to prove and I know who I am.

bob marley quoteMS book quote

I know I started to write about how miserable I am but if my misery can cause someone, anyone, any kind of happiness then I did my job. If not than I guess at the moment I broke down and we all do that sometimes, it’s healthy actually. I know how to express myself and I DO. I’ll leave you with this your all amazing unique individuals, embrace it! EMBRACE IT ALL! MAKE ANY NEGATIVE A POSTIVE! It’s all possible, I promise and I don’t break promises  😉   It won’t be easy but life isn’t meant to be easy then we’d ALL BE BORED! Until next time, stay safe, help a stranger. most importantly HELP YOURDELF and PAY IT FORWARD!


 ♥ Jenny  ♥


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