REALITY CHECK

CONTENT: THIS IS MY PERSONAL BLOG HOPING THAT I CAN REACH OUT AND HELP OTHER’S SIMILAR TO ME WHO ARE HAVING MAJOR HEALTH ISSUES NOT NECESSARILY MS. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’M POSTING A “CONTENT” EXPLAINATION BECAUSE, I DON’T FEEL THE NEED TO EXPLAIN MY REASONING FOR THE BLOG’S I WRITE!

         Hi everyone. Thanks for reading, I want you to know; you’re all amazing people and I want you tell your-selves this every-day. I’m a beautifully unique individual who loves my-self regardless of my flaws, instead I embrace them, I don’t care what other’s say or think about me, because I forgive your ignorance. Tell whoever may bother you; I hope someday you would stop to think about your arrogance and be more like yourself. People who are close to you that are so quick to bring you down, and judge you or your intelligence do so, because they’re truly miserable people themselves who are so jealous about your confidence, beauty inside and out, and how you can walk around smiling no matter how imperfect your life is. They wish they could be happy under any circumstance like you and me so they try to make you more miserable than them and get ridiculously frustrated that it never works.

THIS SONG, IF YOU LISTEN TO THE LYRICS AND STOP THINKING ABOUT BANGING YOUR HEAD LIKE ON “WAYNE’S WORLD”, YOU’LL UNDERSTAND NOT TO TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED OR ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE! THEN YOU CAN HEADBANG ALL DAY!!!

    ⇒THIS IS A SMALL LIST OF “RULES” I LIVE BY ON HOW I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BE TREATED, STRANGERS OR LOVED ONE’S, ANY HUMAN BASICALLY ⇐

  1. TREAT OTHER’S THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED NO MATTER THEIR CIRCUMSTANCE; HOME-LESS, ROCH, POOR, STRANGER’S, BASICALLY ANYONE WHO HAS DONE NO HARM TO YOU.
  2. You never know what someone is going through because, you never took the time to ask. So don’t call that home-less man a loser because, he doesn’t have a home to go to. Take the time to ask what you can do to help him and his situation.
  3. Don’t take everything personally, my life has nothing to do with yours so don’t flatter your-self thinking I’m upset because of you. Have more of an open mind, relax and think about it.
  4. We’re friends because; I we enjoy each other’s company not because of what I can do for you or what you can do for me. That’s called a friendship of convenience.
  5. Don’t put someone down because they’re having a bad day maybe there’s is worse than yours.
  6. Don’t take life for granted try and put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Anyway……I just got a call from MGH and my Neurologist moved my appointment that was scheduled for October, to August. They didn’t tell me why but, I still haven’t heard about my last MRI….. I refuse to be scared  or worried because, it won’t help. It is what it is! Life is only part of the journey, when you understand who you are and why you’re here than you WON the million dollar question everyone wastes their time on this this planet searching for. The search is a waste of time because the answer was right there in front of you the whole time.

MS book quote♥ONE LOVE♥

JENNY

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Finding Truth

Finding Truth

CONTENT: THIS IS MY OWN PERSONAL STORY ABOUT HOW I LIVE WITH MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, HOW I DEAL WITH IT, HOW EVERYTHING CHANGES DAILY. MOSTLY, THIS IS MY WAY OF LIFE. READ FOR GOOD INTENTION ONLY PLEASE!!!

good new quote     Hi everyone I hope all is well!  Summer is finally here I love the sun, being warm, being outside in nature, having my garden, basically everything but for us who have MS summer doesn’t like us at all. I’m half Venezuelan so, I’m technically made for warm weather unfortunately the other half (Irish) took over. Who really knows why we get MS but, statically data shows that people who live above the equator have higher populations of MS. I’m on the wrong continent maybe, if I move there it will magically go away. Think so? If so I’m pretty sure we would all live there right?

  

11159497_521350068019827_1472390253647539538_n     So like many others comes another summer and another “flare” or “relapse”. I went back and looked at my medical history and since 2011 every summer has been when I’m at my “unhealthy stage”, as I call it. I’m skinnier (won’t complain), sicker, have a flare or flare’s, exhausted, malnourished I could go on and on but you get it. My favorite time of year ruined by disease and illness, great. I know everyone who has MS is different, at a different stage, and basically in a different part of their lives. From what I’ve heard most are miserable this time of year while it supposed to be our extra time to spend with our children and families, being outside in nature, doing more active things etc… Instead I’m stuck inside doing home-work, being sick and exhausted, getting skinnier by the day I’ve 10 lb. already without trying I’ve been so sick and busy. I’m trying not to complain but more like vent and I say it how it is. I honestly love school, I mean I’ve been going forever it feels but, I love learning, having a profession, a passion for knowledge, making more money by spending it on student loans. I’m not sure if my profession is going to change or not though. I mean my life changes by the day which is so much harder than it sounds. I have 2 degrees and so close to being done with nursing (can’t apply to the program yet) but all I need is 2 classes and my clinicals and I would be an RN. It seems just stupid to stop now but, who wants to hire a RN whose health is different by the day at some stage of forever unhealthy. How can I be dependable? How can my brain take all of the training, pushing myself through years of study, missing out on life due to studying and working my ass off. I know I deserve this and I want this, I need this, my family needs this. I feel helpless at times when I’m supposed to be the helpful one helping the ill not being the i  ll.

      I have to find a neurologist a.s.a.p. because I called my local Neuro. to have an emergency visit because, I’m pretty I’ve been having a flare as to what’s been making me even sicker. He WOULD NOT see me which he says “it doesn’t seem MS related”, so I have no choice but, to sit at home and suffer in hoping its just my MS acting up. Thank GOD I have an awesome PCP but, there’s only so much she can do she’s not a Neurologist. My permanent Neuro. (means keeping no matter what) is located in Boston which is at least an hour drive depending n traffic and she is only at the Hospital 2 days a week because she’s traveling the world HELPING! I can’t go too the ER to get the IV of steroids I know I need because the closest possible one that’s any good is…..I honestly don’t know at least 20-30 minutes from the 2 closest hospitals around here. For the 4 years I’ve had MS not one time has anyone given me an IV of steroids during a flare. I’m forced to suffer in silence and wait it out while being miserable, and making everyone around me miserable too. I’m not even on MS medication right now because I was allergic to it and I don’t know if I want to try every one in the book just in case I might find one that might work. Absolutely disgusted with the healthcare system in this stupid NH state. I got screwed bad. So, now I’m hunting with my PCP and my attorney helping to find a new Neurologist that is remotely closer that Boston than I can see who takes Medicaid. Yes, I have MEDICAID because, I’m not healthy enough to work at the moment. I should just tell everyone now (not sure why I’m so emotional about it), that I was denied disability first round, as most do but I have an attorney. Going for round. The letter contradicts itself as well it stated, “even though you have severe health impairment:, including: Multiple Sclerosis, degenerative disc disease, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and ADD (to say a few), yours aren’t severe enough to meet our requirements”. Holy crap what more do I need to add to my list of illnesses for you people who don’t know me to say I can’t work at the moment but, still have a family to support while being a student? I have 2 degrees going on 3 do you think I planned for this? I rather go to work believe me! Who the hell would rather sit at home wondering what’s next? Will I lose my vision completely next time, maybe the numbness won’t go away, maybe my family and friends will leave me because I’m useless. That’s only how I feel sometimes but, I’m sure you know what I mean. I’m not suffering in silence anymore, I have a voice and I’m going to use it and it will be heard not only for me but for every MS WARRIOR out there!!! COUNT ON IT!! Again, “don’t take my kindness for weakness”-awesome quote.

    

  I know my other true love is writing it always has been and having MS has made me do it more and become better at it. I know I’ve said this before but, I truly believe that since having MS I have found myself, my strength and weaknesses, my passion, joy, true real honest friends, how far I can push myself so I know my limits, and most important how to be happy when unhappiness was my life for so long and disliking myself because I got (many) health issues especially multiple sclerosis. I always had the feeling that I was put here to help people but, I know that I can do this many different ways in many different forms. I’m happy if I know I’m truly doing something for others who appreciate it (or will eventually), loving my job, and mostly again helping my family succeed and giving mine back. Mine? I mean giving back for what I have already received, like “paying it forward”. That’s just me though of course!

good quote from PNow, that I did home-work for about 2 days straight I need rest and my bed. Thanks for reading everyone I wish you all good health and happiness. Until next time…..

♥ ONE LOVE ♥

JENNY

A Post To Help Host A Benefit Here in NH!! Let’s Do This!!

I need help and I would love to hear your thoughts please on hosting a benefit for MS!!!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc

IS THIS REAL??

IS THIS REAL??

A quick update….today I called my neurologist’s office again to get my results of my spinal MRI, “We’ll call you back”, they said. Like I haven’t heard that before. Called the MS association to see where I can go that will except my insurance and the closet place is Boston so I’m going back there. I called my PCP to see if she got my results and, she called me back herself!! That’s rare she never received a copy either. Next I called medical records and sure enough they said ya come on down and get a copy we’re waiting for you. I went got my copy and it states….I have degenerative disc disease, disc protrusions, tumors, budges, hemangiomas, spinal stenosis etc…. so it’s not looing so good 😦   Still have not heard from my OLD (now) neurologist and the next appointment I could get isn’t until the end of January and he specifically said “don’t giver her a follow up appointment”! This is absolutely ridiculous! I have a bad feeling something else is going on considering my PCP said I should see a cancer specialist. Honestly, I’m scared to go to sleep, lift something to heavy, miss out on anything that has to do with my kid’s and family etc… I have never been so scared in my whole life it would be different if I didn’t kids or a wonderful family and boyfriend (he’s great). If it wasn’t for my family (and my bf) we wouldn’t be having a Christmas, have food, pay bills etc… I hate taking anything from anyone and I’m not supposed to be helpless, I’m supposed to be helpful. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!! I apologize from the bottom of my heart if I ever offended anyone (family, friends) anyone who reads this. It was never my intention I don’t think I did anything to but, everyone has their own morals 😉

I don’t know what else to do anymore but I WILL NOT JUST ROLL OVER AND DIE!!!! NEVER!!!  If anyone has any suggestions on how I can get the ball rolling on getting the medication I need ASAP please comment or like this blog so WE can be heard!!! To everyone who reads this or follows me or has reached out I hold a special place in my heart for all of you thank you!!!

What bother me the most is people who judge what they don’t know because they can’t see OUR PAIN, or blame it on being lazy believe me I have no time to be lazy! Close minded people who don’t understand until they have walked just a day in OUR shoes. Well, I hope to change that someday! I love you all ❤

Until tomorrow!!

One love,

Jenny

PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP!! LEAVE A COMMENT!! :)

PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP!! LEAVE A COMMENT!! :)

Hey everyone so please comment on this to let me know your opinion! I want to hear from you and know what you think PLEASE!!!  Does anyone think what I’m doing to try and help support others like me that have suffered or their families have suffered do to their illness when in fact something could have been done sooner? Do you think I should keep going no matter what in terms of fighting for my beliefs? Is anyone interested in helping me hold a awesome benefit for multiple sclerosis and for all proceeds they be going to an organization of my reader’s choice? How do you feel about medical marijuana, especially the dispensary that is trying to open in Epping, NH? Do you believe it will/does help with chronic pain, anxiety, appetite, depression and much and, also more than pain clinics who just want to give us medications to support the pharmaceutical companies who run all hospitals?

This song to me is about I feel that I get treated and looked at because; I’m young, pretty, intelligent, a woman who knows exactly what she wants, how these Doctor’s work, or I get a “well you look fine”, they think I just want pain meds (not true at all), I don’t look “sick” all the time etc…..

My lover’s got humour
She’s the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody’s disapproval
I should’ve worshipped her sooner
If the Heavens ever did speak
She is the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday’s getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
‘We were born sick,’ you heard them say it
My church offers no absolution
She tells me ‘worship in the bedroom’
The only heaven I’ll be sent to
Is when I’m alone with you
I was born sick, but I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen

Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
If I’m a pagan of the good times
My lover’s the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice
To drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That’s a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We’ve a lot of starving faithful
That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my
No masters or kings when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean
Amen. Amen. Amen

Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

Oh, I’ve also got from my Nana who does have dementia that ” This happened to me because I turned my back on God”. She also has no idea what I believe in or whom I believe in. But, I just it all roll off my back because, I know that everything happens for a reason. I honestly believe that this was a blessing sent to me to give me strength, courage, a voice that I must make be heard, my way to help others (considering I don’t now what my future holds, career wise), and to find my true calling in life. Living everyday not knowing what tomorrow holds is a way everyone lives but, now I know it’s different for me now.

Please help out so I can decide ( I’m a Libra) how to move forward!!! I trust you!! I believe in you like all of you who have read my blogs and continue to do so, please know how that this means so much to me in a way I cannot describe 😉

One love friends,

Jenny ❤

See you soon!!! Thanks for reading!!!