A picture of what lesions look like is Multiple Sclerosis. Their different in everyone but, this is the basics of it.

 Hey everyone I hope you’re well and happy. I’m feeling very emotional today because, I’m now realizing that I am actually living with an incurable brain disease which, is completely unpredictable, and Doctor’s and Researcher’s don’t know much about MS either.  I guess I’m having a reality check. I got the disc from my MRI like I always do and enclosed with it were two documents. The MRI was done with and with-out contrast in my cervical spine and head. I believe the report for my cervical spine was final because it was signed by a radiologist, and the other was only signed by the technologist. So it’s not finalized and I haven’t heard anything yet. I know it takes maybe up to a week because of the holiday.

    My cervical spine has multiple bulging discs, and multiple cysts, I knew this already but, the swelling and size difference between the left and right side of my neck is ridiculous! I wonder what my Neurologist will say about this. Looking at the disc of my head scared the crap out of me! I have to be honest it’s scary and I study these because I have experience in the Medical field and I research everything that’s just me. Would you want to learn about a brain disease that your going to have to live with for the rest of your life? Personally, I do! I’m clearly not a Radiologist or a Neurologist but, I’ve been doing this for four years and I was also taught. This is what I saw: new larger lesions which, I can’t tell if they’re still there or if they grew, old lesions, a very large white spot in the back left side of my brain. There were also multiple lesions which,were similar to my MRI November, 2014. My last MRI said I have, “more than 10 new lesions”, from one Neuro. and the other said, ” at least 10 new active lesions”. Does that mean to many to count, as in progressive MS?

                                                                                                                  THIS IS A PICTURE SHOWING “OPTIC NEURITIS,” AND THE DIFFERNCE BETWEEN A NORMAL EYE,

optic n 2

The thing that scares me the most is the very large white spot in the left posterior occipital area or brainstem. There’s also many small white dots all along the outside of my brain and, yes it’s  inside of my head in the very top of my brain. Would you be at least a little nervous? I am! It’s horrible to think that I have a brain disease that was incurable until a recently discovered possible cure. I’ve heard of many people paying millions of dollars to across seas to have this done and it does work. The moral of the story is the cure is stem cells. The only cure for a brain disease that affects people in such a miserable, indescribable way that would haunt you in your dreams but, invisible to the naked eye,  and everyone who has it is different. There’s no way to predict when you may be blind, because I personally have had optic neuritis two times already never knowing if this is the time I go blind, if my vision will be restored or ever back to the way it was. Knowing you don’t know if tomorrow you’ll be in a wheel-chair, maybe having to use a cane to walk, or not walking at all.

  WE WARRIOR”S with MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS struggle every day of our lives with never knowing what’s coming next. Still, we have an amazing support for each other like I’ve never seen in my life. We are all different but, only we, know how we feel.  I say MS has made me a better person and it has. I usually have a smile on my face, am willing to help anyone who gives me the chance too, do everything I can to “help thy neighbor”, and I would go out of my way anytime to be a helping hand. Everyone I have met with this disease is so positive, caring for others, just such amazing, and inspiring people. After everything we’ve been through and will continue to forever we’re thankful to be here. So the only cure found ever has been stem cell transplant. What the f*** sorry but, in reality these people (including myself), are such good people with good morals, and nicer than most people I know, just makes me question everything! What would you do?



  Instead of contemplating and crying in wonder of what that very large white spot in my brain may be I’m going to go do my home-work now and move on with my life because, I change the inevitable.

   If anyone takes anything from this blog, I wish it to be similar to or this following statement; if you know anyone with this or any disease support them, love them, and most of all show them! If it can’t be seen to the naked eye that means we who have it can’t see it either! Love everyone for we are only here together for a short time so don’t waste it with hate.

    ♥ONE LOVE♥


    A.K.A.     MS book quote



Finding Truth

Finding Truth


good new quote     Hi everyone I hope all is well!  Summer is finally here I love the sun, being warm, being outside in nature, having my garden, basically everything but for us who have MS summer doesn’t like us at all. I’m half Venezuelan so, I’m technically made for warm weather unfortunately the other half (Irish) took over. Who really knows why we get MS but, statically data shows that people who live above the equator have higher populations of MS. I’m on the wrong continent maybe, if I move there it will magically go away. Think so? If so I’m pretty sure we would all live there right?


11159497_521350068019827_1472390253647539538_n     So like many others comes another summer and another “flare” or “relapse”. I went back and looked at my medical history and since 2011 every summer has been when I’m at my “unhealthy stage”, as I call it. I’m skinnier (won’t complain), sicker, have a flare or flare’s, exhausted, malnourished I could go on and on but you get it. My favorite time of year ruined by disease and illness, great. I know everyone who has MS is different, at a different stage, and basically in a different part of their lives. From what I’ve heard most are miserable this time of year while it supposed to be our extra time to spend with our children and families, being outside in nature, doing more active things etc… Instead I’m stuck inside doing home-work, being sick and exhausted, getting skinnier by the day I’ve 10 lb. already without trying I’ve been so sick and busy. I’m trying not to complain but more like vent and I say it how it is. I honestly love school, I mean I’ve been going forever it feels but, I love learning, having a profession, a passion for knowledge, making more money by spending it on student loans. I’m not sure if my profession is going to change or not though. I mean my life changes by the day which is so much harder than it sounds. I have 2 degrees and so close to being done with nursing (can’t apply to the program yet) but all I need is 2 classes and my clinicals and I would be an RN. It seems just stupid to stop now but, who wants to hire a RN whose health is different by the day at some stage of forever unhealthy. How can I be dependable? How can my brain take all of the training, pushing myself through years of study, missing out on life due to studying and working my ass off. I know I deserve this and I want this, I need this, my family needs this. I feel helpless at times when I’m supposed to be the helpful one helping the ill not being the i  ll.

      I have to find a neurologist a.s.a.p. because I called my local Neuro. to have an emergency visit because, I’m pretty I’ve been having a flare as to what’s been making me even sicker. He WOULD NOT see me which he says “it doesn’t seem MS related”, so I have no choice but, to sit at home and suffer in hoping its just my MS acting up. Thank GOD I have an awesome PCP but, there’s only so much she can do she’s not a Neurologist. My permanent Neuro. (means keeping no matter what) is located in Boston which is at least an hour drive depending n traffic and she is only at the Hospital 2 days a week because she’s traveling the world HELPING! I can’t go too the ER to get the IV of steroids I know I need because the closest possible one that’s any good is…..I honestly don’t know at least 20-30 minutes from the 2 closest hospitals around here. For the 4 years I’ve had MS not one time has anyone given me an IV of steroids during a flare. I’m forced to suffer in silence and wait it out while being miserable, and making everyone around me miserable too. I’m not even on MS medication right now because I was allergic to it and I don’t know if I want to try every one in the book just in case I might find one that might work. Absolutely disgusted with the healthcare system in this stupid NH state. I got screwed bad. So, now I’m hunting with my PCP and my attorney helping to find a new Neurologist that is remotely closer that Boston than I can see who takes Medicaid. Yes, I have MEDICAID because, I’m not healthy enough to work at the moment. I should just tell everyone now (not sure why I’m so emotional about it), that I was denied disability first round, as most do but I have an attorney. Going for round. The letter contradicts itself as well it stated, “even though you have severe health impairment:, including: Multiple Sclerosis, degenerative disc disease, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and ADD (to say a few), yours aren’t severe enough to meet our requirements”. Holy crap what more do I need to add to my list of illnesses for you people who don’t know me to say I can’t work at the moment but, still have a family to support while being a student? I have 2 degrees going on 3 do you think I planned for this? I rather go to work believe me! Who the hell would rather sit at home wondering what’s next? Will I lose my vision completely next time, maybe the numbness won’t go away, maybe my family and friends will leave me because I’m useless. That’s only how I feel sometimes but, I’m sure you know what I mean. I’m not suffering in silence anymore, I have a voice and I’m going to use it and it will be heard not only for me but for every MS WARRIOR out there!!! COUNT ON IT!! Again, “don’t take my kindness for weakness”-awesome quote.


  I know my other true love is writing it always has been and having MS has made me do it more and become better at it. I know I’ve said this before but, I truly believe that since having MS I have found myself, my strength and weaknesses, my passion, joy, true real honest friends, how far I can push myself so I know my limits, and most important how to be happy when unhappiness was my life for so long and disliking myself because I got (many) health issues especially multiple sclerosis. I always had the feeling that I was put here to help people but, I know that I can do this many different ways in many different forms. I’m happy if I know I’m truly doing something for others who appreciate it (or will eventually), loving my job, and mostly again helping my family succeed and giving mine back. Mine? I mean giving back for what I have already received, like “paying it forward”. That’s just me though of course!

good quote from PNow, that I did home-work for about 2 days straight I need rest and my bed. Thanks for reading everyone I wish you all good health and happiness. Until next time…..






 I feel like is being sucked inside my body. My neck has large greenish bluish spots now looks like blood inside. So…I  figured I would write instead of crying myself to sleep. No, I’m not weak, yes at the moment, but I’m also angry and let down. My PCP is awesome, my ONLY neurologist now is in another state until I find a local one also, I’ve gone to urgent care and the ER and they do NOTHING. I need an IV of steroids for about 5 days probably and that’s given for relapses IT’S NEVER EVEN BEEN OFFERED TO ME!!!! Every attack, illness, pain etc…they have made me suffer through and it sucks bad! I’m a mother of 2 a (basically) wife, a student, a best friend and I can’t do anything right now because I’m STUCK! I can’t work, I can’t run, walk far, drive sometimes, I’m dizzy. I just want my life back. The saddest part is that I NEED to adjust to my new life and so far I’m doing pretty friggen good. That’s one thing I AM PROUD OF.  It’s my kid’s my hubby, family and friends I worry about because I can’t do the same things I used to anymore. I hate to have to say sorry I can’t tonight, Mommy can’t go the beach today I’m to sick and to hot etc… It hurts to know I’ve let my loved one’s down without having a choice.

So this is what I have decided to do to try to adjust. I do what I love which is write and help people, I find a way to be able to play with my kid’s in a way that’s ok and comfortable for everyone and I try to stay away from stress which is almost impossible but, I try. I try to live by the motto that “everything happens for a GOOD reason”, and embrace your qualities all of them through health and illness.. I want to be a freelance writer or do well with the book series I’m starting definitely something with writing. I finally see now how strong I am and I can show my kid’s that no matter what cards your dealt in life there’s a way you can always win without cheating. BE YOURSELF AND SHOW EVERYONE! To quote my favorite artist of all time, “life’s rough so you gotta get tough”—-Johnny Cash.  I also learned to lived like “live every day like it’s your last, but still plan for the future, and they call the past the past for a reason, it’s over and behind you”.

People tell me how much I’ve changed since my diagnosis and I have…for the better! I volunteer, I’m a “MS Activist” with the Multiple Sclerosis Society”, and I just got an offer to have my poem publish in the “Momentum” MS Magazine. That is honestly a dream come true and since I was a kid I have wanted to write a book and now I just started my book series.

Life likes to knock you down and does everyone you because, they feel they need to prove that they’re better than you. If that’s the most important thing in your life, trying to be better than everyone you know than have fun cause I have nothing to prove and I know who I am.

bob marley quoteMS book quote

I know I started to write about how miserable I am but if my misery can cause someone, anyone, any kind of happiness then I did my job. If not than I guess at the moment I broke down and we all do that sometimes, it’s healthy actually. I know how to express myself and I DO. I’ll leave you with this your all amazing unique individuals, embrace it! EMBRACE IT ALL! MAKE ANY NEGATIVE A POSTIVE! It’s all possible, I promise and I don’t break promises  😉   It won’t be easy but life isn’t meant to be easy then we’d ALL BE BORED! Until next time, stay safe, help a stranger. most importantly HELP YOURDELF and PAY IT FORWARD!


 ♥ Jenny  ♥

Bet You Haven’t Heard This Come Out Of My Mouth

Content Maybe A Little Extreme

Hi everyone sorry it’s been a while since my last blog I’ve had a lot going on. I hope all is well with everyone. this blog may be like no other I have written before. I’ve had a really rough time lately and I’ve had enough! I’m sick, I’m really sick I know this more now than I did before. I’m having a relapse right now that’s why this is so hard and honestly it’s getting REAL now. I’m usually always very positive, happy, and laid back. At the moment I’m far from it. Because, you know this is what MS does to you. One day I’m ok and I’m me, myself and, the next I’m a miserable, emotional, confused horrible b**** to the point where I don’t want to be around me. I hate that I can’t work right now and put my part in with my family. I hate having to take breaks, naps, not having any energy, being sick, having infections that won’t go away, being in constant pain I could go on forever. I hate it when I shake and can’t control my body and when I can’t walk straight and drop everything.

So…right now my lymph nodes are infected and big on the left side of my neck and its getting worse. I tried prednisone, an antibiotic and had an ultrasound of my neck. Nothing worked just got worse. I have to see a ENT Dr. now, it never ends and never will. I should be in the hospital with an IV of steroids for about 5 days. I went to the ER and they did absolutely nothing! So I guess I’m on my own and we’ll take one day at a time cause that’s the only choice I have. I am going to call me Neurologist here and see if he’ll see me because of this.

I’m falling behind in school cause I’m sick and exhausted all the time. I always feel like I want to puke or pass out I’m so dizzy. I honestly feel like such a burden and I honestly try so hard that nobody can even tell I lost most of my friends and some of my closest family members. I could be in the hospital right now and they wouldn’t even know or probably care. HONESTLY!!! It sucks but, I’m over it I have my boyfriend, kid’s, family and the few GOOD friends I have left. Those old one’s just made me physically ill and I couldn’t take it. Some people just don’t understand I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS NONE OF US MS WARRIORS DID! We deal with it every day all day and will for the rest of our lives so why are you so worried or care so much about whether we’re “faking” or “lazy”, ok that’s why I have 2 degree’s and I’m still in school cause I “planned” on this right? I would never ditch a good friend or give up on a close family member but hey that’s just me everyone is different right.

I’m extremely thankful for the awesome supportive friends and family I have now. I’ve got closer with some great friends and family and I’ve made and met some amazing new one’s! Know this though us “MS Warriors”, we support each other like something I didn’t even know existed. It still amazes me and it’s great!

I am happy to say that I am finally me again A BETTER ME! My kid’s and the love of my life are happy and health and my family too and that’s all I need to be happy. Clearly, I have rough day’s like the past 2 weeks, “but this to shall pass”. until next time keep it real and love your family and be a good friends because what if it were the other way around? Are you to close minded to even try to put yourself in that situation? I hope not and if so….may karma have mercy on you!

One love,


ms dream

Something Special For All Of Us

Something Special For All Of Us

Hey everyone! I hope everything is good and your all in good health!

Just a quick update on how thing’s are going. So…I’m currently not taking any medications for my M.S. for a few reasons. I had an allergic reaction to Copaxone and it made me miserable, I am thinking about staying off the meds until my next MRI in August. My neurologist ( I now have 4), wants me to try Aubagio which is a pill that’s been around for about three years. I don’t know what to do ahhhh! I’ve gone through almost 4 years of tests and now I’m having more done, some repeated and new diagnoses’ to add to the list.  So probley about 3 more years of tests and maybe I’ll know what else is wrong with me. Honestly, I’m over it and, starting recently I don’t even care to know anymore. I’m disgusted with everything and a lot of people to tell you the honest to God truth.

Please watch these amazing survivors stories who have MS!!!


There’s something I want to share and it’s very personal, emotional and it’s been on my “bucket list”, for as long as I can remember. I’m graduating from school this month. YAY!! After, I want to start writing my book (one of them). This first specific one, I can’t say to much because of plagiarisms, is going to have to do with Multiple Sclerosis. I know what I want to do and I the purpose of this is the fact that I NEED YOU TO HELP ME! If anyone that’s reads this blog has a friend or family member that has an interesting story and would like to share (or clearly yourself) only personal with me PLEASE send me an e-mail or comment. I will not and wouldn’t ever share or tell anyone’s story it’s completely confidential and I’m not that type of person who would share people’s personal stories. I do actually have good intentions here! I have GOOD morals that I honestly go by! I can’t say much more so please don’t be afraid and let your and my own voice’s be heard and our stories be told in a true and honest nature. I believe everyone has their own unique stories about their journey’s, our rough roads, things we’ve done that we’re not proud of, good things we’ve done for ourselves and others. ANYONE can choose to remain anonyms, everyone can if they want! Ok no more unless you want to know more and I can privately explain my awesome ideas! I promise you’ll love them and you’ll be excited, I am. I can’t wait to hear from you! Stay strong!

One Love,


Must watch other’s sharing their stories about living with a disease.